Freedom

Having freedom is a curse in disguise – I bet that’s a quote, it must be. Since I’ve been on my gap year that is the truest thing I have learnt. Structure is key to a healthy mind..

At first, I loved the lie ins, the no revision, no homework, no real house work, no stress. Then I hated not it, but my life. I still liked the freedom whilst simultaneously hating the life that it had created. I’d become the most slobish I’ve ever been. Working a measly 19 hours a week is nothing when its all you do all week. But I used this to my ‘advantage’ ha ha ha.. Dominoes pizza at 2:30am? Why not? That nice new top, well pfft why on earth not? I could kind of buy what I liked. I wasn’t paying rent, I had a roof over my head, spare time, and cash.. Heck doesn’t that sound perfect?

Well er no. For me the slobish lifestyle translated into a slobish mentality. I would avoid social events yes partly because of the anxiety they would create but mainly.. The effort that they required. I’d rarely go and if I did I’d arrive late because after a busy morning of eating last night’s pizza, watching 1,2 or 5 episodes of American horror story,  I would easily run out of time to cover my tired spotted skin in makeup and hide my slightly chubby body in some scrumpled clothes. Then when I turned up, I’d be ticking of the hours until a time – not when the event was actually over, but when the event was acceptable to be left. And I would do this because in my head freedom was slumping around at home with no standards, and everyone wants freedom right? So I would try and escape any kind of social, moral of physical obligation.. Out of principle of maintaining the ‘free’ lifestyle.

I’m still in this lifestyle, I’ll let you know how escaping it goes..