Money

Freedom

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Having freedom is a curse in disguise – I bet that’s a quote, it must be. Since I’ve been on my gap year that is the truest thing I have learnt. Structure is key to a healthy mind..

At first, I loved the lie ins, the no revision, no homework, no real house work, no stress. Then I hated not it, but my life. I still liked the freedom whilst simultaneously hating the life that it had created. I’d become the most slobish I’ve ever been. Working a measly 19 hours a week is nothing when its all you do all week. But I used this to my ‘advantage’ ha ha ha.. Dominoes pizza at 2:30am? Why not? That nice new top, well pfft why on earth not? I could kind of buy what I liked. I wasn’t paying rent, I had a roof over my head, spare time, and cash.. Heck doesn’t that sound perfect?

Well er no. For me the slobish lifestyle translated into a slobish mentality. I would avoid social events yes partly because of the anxiety they would create but mainly.. The effort that they required. I’d rarely go and if I did I’d arrive late because after a busy morning of eating last night’s pizza, watching 1,2 or 5 episodes of American horror story,  I would easily run out of time to cover my tired spotted skin in makeup and hide my slightly chubby body in some scrumpled clothes. Then when I turned up, I’d be ticking of the hours until a time – not when the event was actually over, but when the event was acceptable to be left. And I would do this because in my head freedom was slumping around at home with no standards, and everyone wants freedom right? So I would try and escape any kind of social, moral of physical obligation.. Out of principle of maintaining the ‘free’ lifestyle.

I’m still in this lifestyle, I’ll let you know how escaping it goes..

The messed up game of life

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As a quick starting point to this post, I feel it necessary to say that all previous posts have been atleast composed, if not posted within the early hours of the morning/late hours of night. For some reason nightfall seems to provoke spontaneous and somewhat annoying amounts of thoughts. I mean I can’t sleep so let’s go onto wordpress. The site I’ve abandoned.

As an atheist I’m often asked and infact often question the point of anything. I mean I don’t really think there is a point or a purpose to life and I’m ok with accepting that but I’m not sure whether I should be trying to create one, and if I should, what I should create it to be. Should it be to make an impact in the world? Maybe create a charity, or get involved with politics or perhaps to be as successful as I can, selfishly and just make money, live for me and no one else. Or should I try and stack up some experiences maybe go travelling, maybe challenge myself with a skydive? I mean all of these have benefits but it’s the sort of position I feel in when I have too many tests or something coming up and there’s so much to do that I decide to do nothing.. And if this happens with my life, I’m in trouble.

And then I realised that the very worst one I could pick would be the selfish one, obviously. But that actually that’s the one almost everyone does pick. I mean this earth is so unjust, people are flying around the world first class, buying designer handbags, eating in fancy restaurants, buying new phones for a slightly more pixelated camera and meanwhile there’s children starving all over the world, there are enough resources for everyone, anyone flying first class should feel seriously guilty, I mean you’re selfish, selfish as fuck. Because what we’re doing is accepting this SYSTEM were accepting that if it’s not us it’s ok. We can voluntarily make ourselves blind to it, close off the starvation because it isn’t in our little bubble, that new iPhones important to me, in my bubble, so I’ll get it, what difference does it make? But everyone thinks like this. And it’s seen as ok to think like this, it isn’t ok. This whole world is fucked up. People are dying now, right now. And the naivity of charity’s. I know they help, but as a concept they barely scratch the surface of the problem, charities aren’t using money efficiently because giving more money into a corrupt system won’t help in the long run. We need to change to system.

Why celebrate the amount of money we raise annually for children in need? So we can feel good about texting the word ‘help’ to 70005 so celebrities living in mansions can hike up a mountain before giving themselves a pat on the back and recovering back home to their mansion. There’s no point climbing that mountain, if you really cared, you’d downgrade your house, you wouldn’t expect average working class people to sponsor you, I mean the cheek. It’s ludicrous. We’re all playing this game. We say we want world starvation to end but if everyone who’s said that ment it, it would have ended. It’s unbelievable that we can live with ourselves. But we do, because ‘that’s life’. It’s just ‘life’ that some people get the short straw. And if you’ve not got that straw you bloody well lather it up in the long straw. But off course you still say you care. Oh off course, because publicly denying to care would lead to uproar, because it wouldn’t abide by the rules of the game. So long as everyone keeps lying, it’ll be ok. So long as everyone keeps ignoring the problems, they aren’t there.