love

Heart-break silver linings

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I don’t think we ever ‘find ourselves’ I think all we do is learn more and more about ourselves. We’re too complex to be found, what there is to learn is infinite, and the best way to make our way through the infinite checklist of self-discovery? Pain. Being hurt. Having our heart strings torn at in all directions, being yanked as they cry and as tears drip down our faces. It’s horrendous, it’s horrible, it’s indescribable but it does one thing. It teaches us something.

When you’re down a pit that has been created by a shitty reality and a self-torturing mind, you evaluate two things, how you got there and eventually, how you will get out. Thinking about how you got there totally depends on the perspective you take but ultimately the best way for you to move on and the best way for you to spin this into a silver lining is by being brutally honest and accepting. Maybe after a heartbreak the energy you have shouldn’t be focused on hating the other involved, maybe it should be spent on nurturing ourselves. Maybe we should forget our pride, forget our silly games, and let go. Feel the weight of tension drop off our shoulders. The reason we don’t is because this tension is all we have left of the person. It’s negative but it’s not nothing. And for a long time you’ll think it’s better than nothing. But when you accept the absence of anger and focus on yourself it’s the first big step of recovery.

Firstly, be proud, so proud that you even got to this stage. It’s the hardest stage and well done. Now I know unlike this analogy that the weight and tension doesn’t just evaporate. I know some hovers around like a bad smell fogging up the back of our minds. But what we need to do is have the sharp, harsh memory to keep us in check. Think of it as a border of standards. We can remember what that level of pain feels like so we can ensure we don’t allow ourselves back there again. There is hope in this and it does get better.

Just remember that there is no external or internal timeline. You shouldn’t feel better by a certain time. You can’t take too long to recover, and you also can’t recover too quickly. There is no shame, no lack of dignity in it taking months or years to move on from this pain. Our souls are soft and often the softest get squashed the hardest. If you are sad accept it, but don’t prioritise it. Prioritise the thought of happiness. The imagining of your future self, happy and free. And soon you will get there, that thought will turn to a feeling and you will be there.

And lastly, please remember that there are so many people in this big world who have been screwed over. Who have had their hearts torn out and trampled on, who have had to claw back themselves and have learnt to exist and eventually to be happy. There are people everywhere who understand your pain. Your pain is not irrational. It is real. And it’s one of the very worst things in life. You are coping with it. And you will recover from it. Have as much faith in yourself as I have in you. Once you learn to have faith in your self-recovery you will see it happen.

The difference between happiness and pleasure

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When you don’t think about, pleasure and happiness seem like the same thing, when you do think about it, their differences become glaringly apparent. There are a few major differences between the very essence of each one. Happiness is a mood, a state of mind that stretches across life, and enriches our experiences, it penetrates into everything and thus I can have a bad day, but still be happy. Pleasure comes in bursts, on it’s own it holds no worth, it relies on the richness of a premeditated level of happiness to work. Happiness is self authenticating, pleasure is not. Happiness can cause pleasure, pleasure cannot cause happiness. I get pleasure from seeing someone smile because I’m happy, I get no pleasure from the very same thing, because I’m depressed.

But can we be happy, without pleasure? It almost seems as though we need events that atleast have the potential of being deemed pleasurable in order to sustain a level of happiness. Although happiness is a state of mind, a cloud of glowering enlightenment, it is not inaccessible by emotions like pleasure. But if pleasure can’t cause happiness how can it sustain it? Maybe because pleasure isn’t a ‘thing’ in itself but is moreover an illusion that happiness has cast. So as you would say ‘money makes money’ it would seem ‘happiness makes happiness’. And so although happiness isn’t permanent, although admittedly stable, it can be slipped in and out of. When we slip out of our happiness less pleasurable illusions are cast, less pleasurable illusions equals less genuine happiness and the spiral continues. 

To anyone feeling lost.

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Nothing within you is ever lost. If you ever feel like you’ve lost who you are, you haven’t, it’s just fallen apart. All the bits are there, but they’re not together so they’re not functioning properly. It’s like a jigsaw in a jar. It can begin perfect, all pieced together but a little knock to that jar and the pieces fall apart, some might remain in clumps and that’s what remains of ‘you’. You might remain kind and caring and opinionated but loose confidence and personality. You haven’t lost it, they’re just not pieced together yet, but they will be. The jar is your skull, containing your brain, all you need to do is get the pieces together, get them functioning. But you’re never lost, gone, empty. You’re always there you’re just not always working as a unit. All it takes is combing the pieces into a more confident you, a more content you. It can take time, but during that time, don’t loose hope, hope isn’t something that relies on a jigsaw piece, it’s external of the puzzle, and it’s what’ll fix the puzzle.

I know I’ve been absent for a while, sorry, I also know this isn’t my usual type of post, again sorry.

Does the future exist?

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It’s not a question I’ve pondered on a lot, that is until recently, I’m not sure what triggered me to even consider such a question I guess maybe the way in which we use our language to label almost everything. Everything including things we don’t understand or can’t claim to be ‘true’ I.e. God, love, pain etc. We can’t define these things and they are certainly subjective.. Are these traits applicable to the idea of a ‘future’?

If one doesn’t believe in any form of divinity or destiny then surely one must accept that the future doesn’t exist, for to exist it would be predetermined. For example one might claim that the future is say in two minutes time from now, the present. But to say with certainty that the future exists would rely on the concept of a greater being that had already put it in place. Something that had determined that there is going to be a ‘in two minutes time’. But surely if ‘in two minutes’ time is already determined it isn’t the future at all, because it is already ‘there’, it is currently, presently existing. Therefor it is ‘present’ but just not present in our current time.

Another argument is that we never experience the future, only the present. It is impossible for anything or anyone to ever exist in the future, because the present is inescapable, therefor the ‘future’ is unobservable by any of the senses, it is also, as expressed earlier unexplainable by definition. Or is it? A way of defining the future could indeed be ‘things still to come’. Although things still to come are in my opinion a continuous set of ‘presents’. However the ambiguity of the ‘future’ surely allows for interpretation, although ‘events yet to come’ are unanimously almost entirely ‘unknown’ why not label it with a word ‘future’ allowing future to vaguely assert a more conclusive concept. Although the future is arguably ‘nothing’ and never will be this doesn’t mean it can’t have a word to it. A meaningless word but nonetheless a quicker more efficient way of expressing ourselves.